Sunday, January 29, 2012

Celebration Day

     This week marks a small milestone for my husband in the grand scheme of living with Marfan's Syndrome - he made it through a full week at work for the first time since before Christmas. This is big for both of us because neither of us likes it when he has to call off at work, though for entirely different reasons. It's not so much that it's an administrative problem, like he'll get in trouble for missing too much or anything, it's more that it's an overly-curious people problem. At this point in the game, pretty much everyone at work knows that he's disabled and when he does miss a day, it's assumed that the reason is because of some sort of something to do with his Marfan's. Truth be told, that assumption is pretty dead-on the mark.

     Since the Monday before Christmas when he fell in the bedroom until last week when he got out of the hospital for the second time in three weeks, something has gone wrong at least once a week, if not more. We've experienced his disorder manifesting itself in all sorts of new and exciting ways in the past month and it's been a hell of a trip, let me tell you. There have been multiple hospitalizations, nights spent alone, phone calls to family members on the other side of the country and incredible amounts of pressure building on several different fronts. My husband and I were both hoping for a better start to the new year than what we got, but hey, such is life. In light of all this, I've had to start looking to the tiny things for goodness, for proof that we're finally coming down the other side.

     That's why this past week at work was such an accomplishment on my husband's part. With a full month of medical issues in his recent past, it took a lot to be able to go about his daily routine for a full five days. I believe this will get easier as time goes on and he begins to fall back into his normal routine, but the first is almost always the hardest. It wasn't without its bumps and Wednesday was a true bitch, I promise, but we got through it together. Neither one of us was quite sure of what we were doing, completely playing it by ear. It worked, though, and now he's got just thismuch more confidence for the coming week.

     On a purely selfish level, I'm glad he's back to business as usual because I absolutely loathe having to tell people where he is and what's going on. I know how contradictory that sounds, coming from the girl who puts her and her husband's business on the internet for all the world to see, but I don't like having to explain, for the 938th time, what happened this time to make him immobile. Since this last go-round was something completely new for us and not a little sensitive in nature, I really didn't want to talk about it. I had to fall back on, "It's just a manifestation of his Marfan's and we're working on getting him well again," so many times. I wasn't about to discuss his hospitalization with anyone because the plain truth was that I just didn't know how.

     It's an issue that neither my husband nor I are really ready to talk about with anyone outside of a select few family members. I myself am still processing and that can take a stupefyingly long time to work out in my head. There's a lot going on in there on any given day, so to have to make room for more takes me awhile. I will get there, as will my husband, though the methodology is still a bit fuzzy. That's okay, given that it's our first time out of the gate with this and we're totally stumbling along in the dark, looking for the right path. I have no doubt we'll find it; I just can't attest to when.

      It feels okay, though, to stumble along with him. We both feel like we're going to get somewhere, get to the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. This past week was important, as it gives my husband something solid that he can look back on and use to bolster himself when he feels his confidence beginning to waver. It's such a small thing to most people and I'm sure there are going to be those who read this and think, "What in the hell is she going on about? So he made it through a full week at work. Big damn deal." I get that sentiment, I really do. I would most likely be thinking the same thing, were I not in the situation myself and able to see just how much it means. So I would ask that if you do have that thought somewhere in your head after reading this, you suspend your disbelief for just a little bit and believe that this otherwise insignificant event really is cause for celebration.

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