Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Spaces in His Head

     As we were putting away groceries and doing dishes last night, my husband was talking to me about this, that and the other and eventually, the conversation rolled around to his disorder. You have to understand, even though it's such a huge part of our lives, the Marfan's is not something that we discuss with any regularity. It's more just there, like the color of his hair. And when we do talk about it, I'm usually the one that brings it up, not him. So for my husband to actually open that door all on his own, I knew something was on his mind and likely had been for awhile.

     He asked me if I'd done any reading about the depression that's yet another symptom of Marfan's Syndrome and surprisingly enough, I hadn't. That's one aspect that I haven't really heard about in my travels through the internet in search of info. It makes sense, though. I know that many people who suffer from chronic disease and debilitating disorders do suffer from different levels of depression, but I never thought about it with regards to my husband.

     Even with all the knowledge that I've gathered over the past two years or so, this particular issue never popped up on my radar. Maybe because no one wants to talk about it? It seems to me that psychological issues are some of the least-discussed because of their very nature. No one wants to be labeled a head case.

     I wasn't even sure that I should write about this. My husband is already rather sensitive about his disorder and doesn't like to talk about ( or hell, even acknowledge) the fact that he's broken (his term, not mine). This is the reason I don't use his or anyone else's real name on this blog, nor do I provide any identifying details. It's important, though, that I get it out there and figure it out, as much as I can. I know that there are others who live in the same or similar head space as him when it comes to his disorder. I know there's so much that goes on in his head and he only shares the littlest part of it with me. He's trying to protect me, I know, but I wish he'd give me more. I want to help, however I can, even if it's just listening while he gives himself some breathing room.

No comments: